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Post by aíne donoghue on May 8, 2009 3:12:20 GMT -5
 Soft words fell from her lips in low, whispered tones. They floated heavily through the air and settled around his sleeping figure like an embrace. She brushed her hand against his brow, smoothing the lines and pushing back the waves of his chestnut hair. Her hand lingered there, as she gently caressed his temple with the slender curve of her thumb. ”Just a simple little ditty in her good old Irish way, and I’d give the world if I could hear that song of hers today,” she cooed. She slid her fingers through his hair as a touch of a smile brushed against her lips. He looked so peaceful lying there, content in a slumbering numbness. Yet, for Aíne – he looked liked her old Danny. Sleeping, there was no touch of madness to his speech, no wandering, and distant glaze covering his once familiar brown eyes. Sleeping, she had not lost him yet.
”Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ra,too-ra-loo-ra-li. Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ra, that's an Irish lullaby,” she whispered as her voice cracked with tears threatening to fall. She tucked back his hair one more time as she gazed at his serene face. Her fingers fluttered along his jaw line and cheekbone before hovering above his lips. She stared at him, wishing that he could just be sleeping, and would awake as the man she remembered. She watched him for a moment more – then, before the ache in her chest swelled any deeper, she left him. She cleaned and straightened a few things on her way from the bedroom to the main area. She paused in the kitchen and stared around at her still, silent home. The rays of the afternoon sun drifted in gold ribbons through the thin curtains. It gave the room a hushed quality – the whisper of time pausing still amidst the dust filtered light. The muffled rush of the street below was the only sound heard, except for her soft breathing.
Her life had never been a quiet one. She had never been content with silence. From her boisterous family in Ireland to her busy life in London with Danny, there had never been a moment of stillness. Even when Danny had gone on duty, she had immersed herself in her job, the market, exploring the city. Back then she had been determined not to say at home – the city was alive, she ought to be out with it. Then when Danny would return, she’d be able to take him to the little park in Mayfair and share a loaf of bread from a delicious bakery she had discovered on the corner. She gazed around her empty house before sighing slowly - knowing Mayfair might as well be across the ocean. She had always refused silence, but now she found her life entombed by it.
Padding quietly across the room, she tucked herself along the large window frame. Propping her bare feet up, and leaning back, she let her dress drape from her slender, pale legs. She stared through the panes, the world outside slightly warped from the cheap glass in the window. The market was still thriving below - vendors called out their wares on the street corners, as customers wove in and out of carts like rivulets of hurried waters that flowed into the Thames. The river could be seen from the window, immense ships docked as they went to and from ports in distant waters. A flame of pain flared in the pit of her chest seeing those ships. Danny’s pallid, fevered face suddenly appeared in the expanse of her thoughts. The feel of his clammy skin beneath her fingertips, the thickness in the air, the looks on the haggard faces of the soldiers…
She squeezed her eyes shut and turned away from the window. Opening them, she sighed and leaned her forehead against the cool glass, her gaze away from that of the Thames. Her thoughts ambled from the pain and found content in the numbing quiet. Minutes fled past her as she sat fixated on the clouds that passed in lazy strides. A soft, yet curt knock at the door suddenly awoke her from her reverie. Climbing out from the window frame, she walked to the door, goosebumps rising as her bare feet padded against the cold floor. Unlocking and opening the door, a young man dressed in a clean linen shirt and pressed breeches stood rigid in stance. Sharp blue eyes locked with hers and she smiled warmly. “Captain! So good to see you. Come in, come in.” He stepped through the doorway with the slight of a smile tucked in the corner of his mouth. He had been Danny's commanding officer while in India, and was the officer to write to her of Danny's illness. He was austere, and solemn like the militia he commanded. But there was a softness to him that erased any hatred she would of held. He visited Danny several times a week, spoke with him even if Danny did not respond or replied of nonsensical things. And in return, he gave Aíne someone to talk to.”Would you like some tea?” She walked over to the kitchen, the bottom of her dress brushing against the floor in soft strokes. She went and reached for the kettle, and in doing so, she caught a glimpse out the kitchen window of the Thames River. A ship had set sail, slipping through the waters and into the hazy distance. She paused a moment, before pouring water into the kettle and stoking the flames of the stove. ”Danny’s not up yet, but please do stay. He’s only just sleeping.”
If only that was all.
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Post by captain benjamin harland on May 23, 2009 3:42:01 GMT -5
BENJAMIN HARLAND
- - - - -
I wanna say your name
But the pain starts again
It's never my luck,
So nevermind
- - - - - - It would never be enough, he thought as he made his way along the crowded streets. The few pence he had folded into a handkerchief grew heavier with each step. Their presence a constant reminder of the promise he had made a lifetime ago, his solemn nod stirring the spiced air that seemed to blanket India. With that simple action everything had changed. Benjamin could still recall how the humid air had felt as he drank it in greedily while staring up at the glittering heavens. Somewhere, sheltered in a small flat in London was a woman; a woman he had vowed to watch over.
His feet dragged against the cobblestoned walkway with trepidation. Dragging his teeth over his lower lip, Benjamin turned his gaze skyward – it was a crisp azure blue, a few downy clouds collecting upon the horizon. A storm was never far away. As he listened to his heart thunder within his chest, Benjamin knew that he would forever carry a storm with him. Reaching into his pocket he circled his fingers around the small bundle. He had never thought that he would fall into sentimentalism. Long had he scoffed at those who talked of devoting their life to a woman. And then he had looked into her eyes. His grip tightened to a fist. What were a few coins? A loaf of bread was nothing of consequence. How long must he hand her empty promises and hollow lies, denying what she – what they needed. Each time he looked into her crystalline eyes, into the shadows that darkened them from an unfulfilled life, he longed to gather her into his arms and silence her pain. To do so would only shatter her more.
Benjamin ground his teeth slowly as he rounded the corner, bracing himself for what was to come. Aíne. Each time he came with the premise of wanting to see her husband, Danny, he stayed for her. He returned for her. He sacrificed daily for her so he could provide a few measly pence. His life was devoted to her and she would never know. There were times he hated Danny for failing ill, wishing he had passed away while they were abroad so she would be free to pursue. No. He kicked a pebble watching it skip along the uneven ground. He wished he could trade places with his friend; that he would be ill and Danny would be well. There would never be someone waiting to shed tears over him, and that knowledge seared in his heart.
Benjamin ran his fingers through his dark hair, steadying his breath before he raised his hand and knocked. It was another moment before the door opened, his breath stilling in his chest as Aíne smiled up at him warmly. “Captain! So good to see you. Come in, come in.” Benjamin, he longed to correct her, call me Benjamin. He could almost hear her sweet brogue as it enveloped his name, claiming it for herself. A ghost of a smile traced his lips at that thought as he followed her inside the small flat.
He had lost count of the number of time he had come to this home that he would never claim but still embraced him. A small cluster of daisies brightened the table in a rusting tin. His fingers absently traced the curve of the table beneath the cloth that covered it as he watched her flit into the kitchen. “Would you like some tea?” Before he could answer, she had moved to the fire, stoking it with expert precision before reaching for the well-used kettle. “As long as you’re having one as well,” he said. Folding his arms across his chest he watched her, marveling at the grace which encompassed even the simplest actions. The war Danny fought against himself was to return to her. She was his strength and she was unable to see it. Aíne’s beauty radiated from her perseverance; her unwavering faith in a love that was no longer remembered and in a man that existed in a world separate from her own. She was the most remarkable woman he had ever met. Loving her had changed him in ways she would never know.
“Danny’s not up yet.” Her voice drew him back to the present and he nodded mutely. “But please do stay. He’s only just sleeping.”
He stared at her for an immeasurable moment, gauging the weariness that seeped into her cerulean eyes. He would remain here until Danny awakened from the imagined world where he fought valiantly against unseen horrors. Clearing his throat, he raked his fingers through his hair. “If you're certain my presence won’t be a bother, Mrs. Donoghue. How have you been?”
As long as Danny remained asleep, Benjamin would remain in this dream.
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Post by aíne donoghue on Jun 4, 2009 3:48:38 GMT -5
Captain Harland had always been kind to her and Danny. It was probably him who kept her distracted enough from her shadows to keep her to her day to day life. It had become a strange friendship – the two of them in a delicate weave that balanced precariously around Danny. Danny. She glanced over to the bedroom door and listened. Though all she heard was the gentle steam of the boiling water. Captain Harland sat across from her, his back rigid in his unbending position. It seemed he never relaxed, as if the shouts of war were just outside her apartment - always a soldier. Then again, he had always remained Captain Harland to her. It was what Danny called him, on the rare occasion that he did. Aíne couldn’t even recall his first name. She stared down at the embers of coal, the deep hues of red and orange fusing together, embedded in the mass of dark rock. Benjamin. The name sounded strange in her mind. Not wrong – just, different. She stared into his sharp, blue eyes and saw that tenderness there. That was always where the rigidity of a soldier left him. There, was the kindness he bestowed upon Danny and her. Benjamin – it suited him.
“If you're certain my presence won’t be a bother, Mrs. Donoghue. How have you been?” She stoked the fire another time, and rested the iron poker against the brick fireplace. Brushing the soot off her dress she smiled and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear as she sat down in the chair opposite him. ”Ah, well we’ve been doing well. No bad episodes in two months! I can hardly believe it. It’s almost have me believin’ that I can take him outside, perhaps down to the docks. I think he’d like that. But then again, it seems as soon as I start plannin’ things, he gets worse.”
[/color] Her eyes flickered to the bedroom door again before resting back on the Captain’s face. ”How have you been Captain? Any news from outside this hovel?” Another stray hair fell from her bun - frustrated, she untied it and allowed her wave of auburn hair to tumble down her back. For a moment, she remembered she was in the company of an higher-class captain, with her hair undone, soot on her dress and feet bare. Feeling a blush rise to her freckled cheeks, she quickly rose from her seat and went to the fire. Seeing the steam hiss from the kettle, she took it off the flame and poured the boiling water into the two cups. Placing in the tea leaves, she allowed it to steep. The rich aroma of tea plucked at the still air of the flat. Aíne breathed in deeply and images of her family and the rolling green hills of Ireland flooded her mind. But staring out her window, all she saw were grimy rooftops, and smokestacks. Whenever she thought of Ireland, a warmth always welled in her skin. There was safety, and a longing that swathed its deep embrace around her. She missed it dearly, though she knew she could never return. There had been no future for her or Danny in Ireland. They would have ended up as potato farmers, in a dirt strewn cottage with too many mouths to feed – just like their parents, and their parents before them. No, as much as she missed Ireland and her family, it could not be. She and Danny’s families needed the little money she sent to them. They depended upon her. Like Danny depended on her. She stared to the cups full of tea, as the reminder of how completely alone she was ensnared her once more. She could feel herself sinking, a hollow ache clawing at her bones. Then she remembered Danny, sleeping peacefully in their bedroom. She remained because of him. As she thought of him, she became aware that there was no swell of warmth, or feel of protection. There was no longing, or content that held her in steady arms. There was nothing. [/blockquote][/blockquote][/size] |
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Post by captain benjamin harland on Jun 17, 2009 13:31:06 GMT -5
BENJAMIN HARLAND
- - - - -
Secret smiles weigh me down
And I'm already tired from the last time
And I can't fight if I'm always tired
Secret smiles watch me drown
- - - - - - Benjamin watched as Aíne moved silently about the kitchen. There was a practiced grace to her moves, as though she were performing an intricate waltz to which he did not know the steps. The embers from the fire cast a warm glow over her pallid skin. For a moment he imagined himself walking to stand behind her, placing his hands on top of hers and feeling their silken texture. Together they would stand, silence speaking the sentiments they could not, and he would shoulder her burdens. She turned then, and he diverted his gaze to the uneven surface of the table. “Ah, well we’ve been doing well.” A chair scraped against the floor as she sat and he looked up to see a rare smile as it traced the delicate lines of her lips.
We. The word resounded in his mind louder than any gunfire. We – Aíne and Danny. She belonged to another. Loving her was a sin; one he no longer dare confess. He knew the words that would be spoken to him for they were the same he attempted to convince himself of. He had been told that to love her would mean eternal damnation and as he looked into her azure eyes, Benjamin understood the priests words. To love without hope was a hell more poignant and real than Hades. He would rather experience the pain of want than exist without her. His heart and mind now existed as two separate entities. When Aíne was near she was everything. “How have you been Captain? Any news from outside this hovel?”
“Same as always,” he replied, his voice even. A stray hair dell from its confines, gently caressing the camber of her cheek. Her freckled nose wrinkled with frustration as she reached up and deftly freed the rest of her hair. It cascaded in soft auburn waves, framing her face as it curled upon her shoulders. A delicate pink blossomed across her cheeks as she stood quickly and returned to the fire. With her back to him, Benjamin closed his eyes, his fingers pressing lightly against the bridge of his nose. Try as he might he was unable to dispel the image of her as she was mere moments ago. It joined those of a rare smile or the sound of her laugh; of her lip trembling as she valiantly fought against tears. Her face was what always remained; and he was joined to it.
He sighed, looking out the window at the gray landscape of London. Aside from her there was nothing tying him to the city. If he were truthful, she should be reason enough for him to leave. His hand absently reached for the pocket of his jacket. Behind the money for her lay the request for him to tour once more. It was a good opportunity. If he accepted it would earn him the respect of men higher than himself. In the militia, respect was everything. Had it not been for her he never would have asked for time to consider. But now… Would she even miss his presence? If he were harmed in battle, would she shed a tear? His fingers curled into a fist around the paper. No. For she did not know of his affections and she never would. As long as there was breath within Danny’s body, Benjamin vowed to protect her from his sins.
“That is not entirely truthful,” he confessed softly. “I’ve been requested to lead another tour.”
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Post by aíne donoghue on Aug 7, 2009 15:25:34 GMT -5
Danny was kissing her. His warm mouth on hers, gentle and tender. He pulled away and brushed the tips of his fingers against her freckled cheeks. The billowing breeze wrapped its cool arms around her body and plucked at tendrils of her long, auburn hair. Pushing the stray locks aside she stared over to him as a smile found its way to her blossoming lips. In the distance the wind fell through the valley's slopes, swaying the heather and grass. Danny tucked a curl of her hair behind one of her ears and held her close. She burrowed her face into his soft linen shirt. She settled her cheek into the curve of his chest and closed her eyes as Danny whispered how much he loved her. Over again and again, and again...
A battered tea cup clattered to the table. Aíne was far away from the expanse of Ireland's rolling hills. Huddled in a cramped flat, Aíne and Benjamin stared at the faded wooden floor as they escaped from the hurried masses outside. Though their troubles never did seem to cease within the Donoghue's home.
Aíne stared to her tea cup as Benjamin's words repeated over in her mind. "I've been requested to lead another tour." A tiny wrinkle folded between her eyebrows as she looked up to Benjamin in confusion. "But...ye can't." She curled a piece of hair behind her ear. "Ye just can't." Aíne had never been one to keep quiet and this moment wasn't one of them. "They shouldn't be needin' ya. Captain - I just, I just don't understand. Then again, the military has never made much sense to me." She rubbed at her forehead, smoothing away her wrinkle of worry. Suddenly she thought she heard a sound from the bedroom and her stomach tightened. Danny.
She sipped absentmindedly from her tea, which was now lukewarm. Making a little face of disgust, she rose, her eyes trained on the bedroom door. "I suppose you must, if it's your duty." She glanced quickly to Benjamin as she stood beside the kitchen table. So many times she couldn't understand why such a handsome man as he would spend so many of his days with a man whose mind was lost and with the wife whose mind may as well be equally as gone. Why he didn't have a wife and a child of his own was beyond her. Suddenly the thought of a child sent yearning pains through her. Another sound from the bedroom - Danny must be stirring. A child with Danny's warm eyes and boisterous laugh. With his optimism and cheerfulness. But with her mother's beautiful red hair. A child to hold, to care for, to kiss, to love. A child of hers and Danny's. A child that would never exist.
She had reached the door frame of their bedroom. Again, why Captain Harland stayed around them mystified Aíne. It wouldn't be hard for him to find a pretty young thing with not a care in the world. He could probably even find a sweet girl to marry who would help him rise above his social station. He didn't need to be spending his afternoons with a working class couple who could him in no other way than mere company. Though, Aíne couldn't deny how much she looked forward to those visits. In Captain Harland she had found someone to ease the loneliness. And sometimes that meant more than she would admit to.
For as hard as she may have tried to deny it, Aíne was alone. Danny took her mind off it for most of the day, but there lay in strange, sporadic moments, an awareness of her situation. Captain Harland never disguised it, like Danny did, but vanquished it. And for a brief interlude Aíne felt as if things had not yet been lost to her. Suddenly, an odd sensation stung her as the thought of Benjamin leaving passed through her mind. She had never been without the Captain once Danny had come back. From the moment she had seen Danny carried off the ship, to the cold tea that now sat idle on the table - there had been Benjamin.
Ache began to sink into her bones, but she adamantly refused it. Clenching her teeth, she pushed the though from her mind. She turned the doorknob, expecting to see Danny stirring awake. But as she opened the door, there he laid, still in slumber. She fell against the doorframe and closed her eyes. Over again and again, and again...
A tear slipped down her cheek as she opened her eyes. With her back still turned to Benjamin, she murmured, "But we will miss you."
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Post by captain benjamin harland on Sept 3, 2009 13:31:08 GMT -5
BENJAMIN HARLAND
- - - - -
If I don't say this now I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate
- - - - - - There was no glory to be found in any of his actions. His every desire was enshrouded in the woman before him. Her smile was his sun and all that he was orbited around her waiting for that solitary moment when dawn would break across her delicate features. He was only so strong and this battle against himself was the first that he ever felt he would lose.
Benjamin’s heart constricted as Aíne’s crystalline eyes met his. He had often thought it possible to lose himself in their depths, their emotion more poignant than any poetry. They were the true gauge to her truth. Beneath the optimistic words pertaining to Danny he had always seen the hollowness and despair. The loneliness. If he could trade places with the man lying mere feet away he would. “But…ye can’t. Ye just can’t.” Benjamin took a sip of his cooling tea and stared out the window. She was the only thing that bound him to London and she would never be his. He had to leave before he added to her pain. “They shouldn’t be needin’ ya. Captain – I just, I just don’t understand.”
Sweet and fragrant his deception perfumed the air, threatening to suffocate him. His fingers deftly unbuttoned his collar, clammy fingers shakily pulling it free from his neck. The tinny jingle of the shops door chime still rang in his ear. Closing his eyes he pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose and sighed, willing away the truth. He could still see the officer’s welcome smile as he stepped through the front door. The office always smelled of sawdust and ale and Benjamin derived a certain comfort from its familiarity. Before Aíne this was the only home he had known for years. These men, this life, was all he knew, and he sank into it without question. “What brings ya in, Cap’in?” the ruddy-faced man asked from behind his cluttered desk. “I figur’d you’d been ‘njoyin’ yer leave.” Chuckling, Benjamin lowered himself into the chair across his longtime colleague, David Sanders. The two men had served together on Benjamin’s first tour; for David it would be his last. A stray bullet had cost him his left arm and his days were now spent filling out the endless paperwork for new recruits. “Ah, you know me, Davey. Can’t be changin’ my nature. I can’t be sittin’ by a fire doing nothing.”
David leaned back and scratched his chin. “What you be needin’ is a lady. That’ll change yer nature, believe you me. Before me Clarice I thought I were the same as you. One night with a beautiful woman’ll cure all this fool-heartedness.” Immediately Benjamin’s thoughts drifted to the one woman who irrevocably held his heart in her soft hands. No, he thought, a beautiful woman could render any man a fool. “I don’t think Clarice will b e having me, my friend,” he quipped easily before leaning forward conspiratorially. “I need work. Do you have anything – anything at all.” The other man said nothing as he flipped through a stack of papers before him. “There’s this,” he said, sliding the orders for another tour through northern India toward Benjamin. “They’re saying it’s a dangerous one, Harland. I’d think no less of ya if—” Benjamin hadn’t thought twice before he accepted.
“I suppose you must, if it’s your duty.” Aíne’s soft voice broke through his memories. He longed to reach for her, to feel her hand enveloped within his own. A soft tendril of auburn hair curved itself along her jaw, tracing the delicate freckled patterns upon her cheeks as he had always wished to. Benjamin knew all she needed was to utter one word, to tell him she needed him there and he would remain. For as long as he lived he knew she would hold him prisoner. He had long heard his men talk of how it was possible to die from a broken heart – of how longing for another could drive a man mad. He had always written it off as the foolish thoughts of weak minds. As Aíne turned from him, he realized the truth in their words. When your essence rested with another nothing else mattered.
Silently he stood and cleared the table. He knew where Aíne was headed. It was the same place she returned over and over. Just as he was held prisoner to her, she was held prisoner to her husband. Perhaps it was his sinful desires that kept Danny confined to his bed. If he walked away it would atone for everything he had put her through. “It has already been done,” he murmured. “You won’t even notice my absence.”
“But we will miss you,” came her soft admission, one Benjamin was certain he was not meant to hear. As his heart reached a crescendo in his ears, he only wished her words were true.
“This is the last you'll see of me,” he rasped. Pulling the small package of coins from his pocket he lay them beside the sink, vowing to find some way to continue to provide for her even from India. “Goodbye, Aíne.”
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Post by aíne donoghue on Jan 11, 2010 16:34:13 GMT -5
“Goodbye, Aíne.”
Still leaning against the doorframe, his words slowly brushed away any vestiges of Danny and collided into her thoughts. A horrible tear suddenly clawed at her stomach. ”This is the last you’ll see of me.” She dug her fingernails into the warped wood of the doorframe, her eyes clamped tight. A wave of nausea was thrashing against her as her most painful memories arose to the surface.
- - - - -
”I’ll be back, jus’ ya see.” Aíne couldn’t stop from smoothing out his collar as Danny brushed his fingers against her temple and along her hair. ”Don’ be worrin’ so much, it’s not very becomin’ of ya.” She looked up heatedly as he winked playfully down to her. ”But India? It’s a world away…” she said in a crestfallen voice. He tucked the crook of his finger beneath her chin and raised her face to his. Brushing his lips against hers, he said in a soft voice, ”As long as you think of me – I will be righ’ here,” as he pressed his palm against the base of her collarbone. ”And tha’ way I’ll never be leavin’ you.” He pressed his lips against her mouth, and wrapping his arms around her, pulled her into him. ”Danny! I won’t let go of you, I won’t.” She burrowed her face into his chest as she whispered these words into his shirt. But he had heard her.
”I’ll come back to you.”
- - - - -
She opened her eyes and stared at a stranger sleeping in the bed before her. An ache was gouging out her chest as it wrapped around her ribs like heavy hands. Turning away, she saw that the Captain was already to the door. ”No, wait,” she said in a throaty whisper. She feared he had not heard – but he stopped in his stride and turned slowly to face her. He had heard her.
As he lifted his gaze to her with what looked like a pained effort, a surprise tightened her throat. How battered he looked – had he always appeared so? She could always remember him as something solid to hold onto, but had he too begun to drown? And then the next moment, his posture shifted and the solid force in her life appeared once more. But in his blue eyes she did not see the Captain. She saw Benjamin.
Looking frantically around the room for anything to give him, she saw a bit of scone she had baked and quickly wrapped it up in a soft linen cloth. Tying it closed, she turned and walked across the room. ”Here, it be nothing except a bit of bread and raisin, but you look as if you need a little something.” Stretching the bundle to him, he paused an uncertain moment before reaching for it. In a moment of tender silence, his fingers brushed lightly against hers as he grasped for the satchel. A shiver raced down her spine, burning her skin. Then, without hesitance or thought, she reached up on her toes and pressed her lips softly to his temple.
The arc of her lips barely touched his skin. There was no searing passion behind her kiss but seeking a solace her gentle sorrow had not allowed her for so long.
She stepped away from him and said in a determined, strong voice, ”I will see you again.”
A moan broke into the brittle air, resounding from the bedroom. With a last aching gaze, Aíne turned from Benjamin and leaned against the doorframe as she waited for Danny to wake. There was a soft click of the door closing behind her. She closed her eyes again, feeling the brush of her lashes against her skin. She walked towards Danny who had awoken and thought of azure eyes.
Because I will think of you.
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